Hi Professor Nestor,

Its been about a year and a half since you left us; a little over a year since I went off to study with the hopes of becoming a doctor.

I've been working hard. Studying, not like I did at Trinity, has been weighing me down. First year wasn't so bad, but living in Newark for what seems like an eternity coupled with the perpetual beatdown of the workload here, it is getting tough to handle.

Lately, battling some type of sinus/upper respiratory infection, I've been finding it increasingly difficult to find reasons to smile. It has been tough, and the grey and rainy weather isn't really helping. I seem and feel so distant from everyone, friends, family, and feel that no one has me in their minds or hearts.

I don't think I've ever felt so alone before in my life, and as you know, I've gone through a lot; stuff much worse than just 'too much studying.'

But don't be afraid. I am writing you not only to update you but to let you know that I look at your photo everyday; on the way out and into my apartment bedroom. A vintage photo of you and your husband, sits on my dresser and the both of you smiling reminds me of fonder memories; memories of Clement, and PChem, and good friends, and the smell of methylene chloride. Not that I want to go back into the lab, but I wanted to write to tell you that after all this time, I do still miss you.

It was at times like this I would find myself in your office, just to talk, and to absorb your aura, and your heart and your love. Fighting a sarcoma that wouldn't let you go, you smiled and told me that it was going to be okay.

Did I tell you? We are learning about cancer now and I am embarrassed to say that after 3 days of lecture, it was just now that it dawned on me. I am embarrassed for my selfishness; I am sorry for not thinking of you today, or yesterday, or the day before. I was so afraid to ask what took you from us, and now that I think of it, I wish I knew. I wish I knew, so maybe one day I could help. Maybe one day, I could help another professor like you, someone who touched so many lives through your teaching. I've been doing research for so long now.. maybe it is about time that I actually do something meaningful with it.

But I know that you'd be disappointed in me if I didnt pursue my own dreams and chased your killer; its not what a good professor, a good mentor, a good friend, would do. You would support me and my endeavors, telling me to study hard, and enjoy life.

I am sad that I don't have that person to turn to here. At Trinity, it was always so nice to come get a hug from you or Dr. Morrison. The warmth from your offices were always the draw for us students, and I bet it still remains there, heating the cold hallways of the chemistry building.

I am rambling. I have no continuity to this letter to you, no purpose other than to say hello and vent and let it out. You always were there for me before, I thought you wouldn't mind, now. Wherever you are, I hope that you do get to read this, or read my thoughts, or hear my voice, because amidst such a time, speaking to you seems to be my own solace.

Back to work for me, and I promise to try and talk to you soon. Knowing the rigorous schedule ahead of me, it will probably be sooner rather than later.

Wishing I had your strength.
Wishing I had your love.
Wishing I had your presence.
Wishing I had your confidence.
and most of all, wishing I had your wisdom and ability to make everything better. just with a flash of a smile.

Forever your pupil,
Rich

ps. Professor Nestor, you would be so proud. America elected a black president this year. You would have been so proud.